To my mom, I'm sorry. I tried my best.
I couldn't be like all the rest
The tests were too hard, nothing like I'd expect
I wanted you to be proud of me
I wanted you to be able to talk to your friends about me
Whenever I thought I was ahead, I was two steps behind
Whenever I knew I would lose, I would be last in line
You tried encouragement and bribes
Yet you knew I would fail, you tried to make me believe I would survive
I wish it could be different, I wish I could win
I knew this lie would have to end
The only way I could get out was to take myself away
I had to take myself away or else I'd be forced to stay
Only when I was gone would I truly miss the bliss of life
Oh, how I longed to be gone so I could see what I had missed
I wished I could see the people filing by
I wished I could see the tears in their eyes
If only I was alive to see the pain I'd caused
If only I could tell them why I lied
Why couldn't I have died sooner?
Why, oh why did I have to die to realize what it meant to be alive?